I survived 2010

2010-12-30T00:27:00.002-05:00

I know the year isn't quite over yet but I've had so many thoughts racing through my mind that I've barely slept in days.
Let's be honest - this year sucked for me. It started off horribly.
I was in a dead end relationship and everyone knew it, except for me, well maybe I knew and I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I was cut off from friends and family, I had this "boyfriend" who mentally tormented me and took away everything important to me. He made me feel so awful about myself, I cried all the time. I cried myself to sleep, I cried in the shower. I cried as long as no one saw me because I wanted to put on this brave face and pretend everything was fine. Turns out, hiding your problems doesn't fix them, they surface and nothing good comes from it. Just a lot of heartache and more tears. Ten months ago, I felt as though I couldn't breathe, like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I felt as though half of my body was missing. How was I to live on my own? How am I ever going to take care of myself? I had someone do that for three years. To make things extraordinarily worse, I lost my job and was left with 3 years worth of credit card debt. The person I trusted more than anything in this world, just walked away, like the last 3 years never took place. Just a bad dream right? Not for me. I had nothing but time. Too much time on my hands. I criticized every aspect of myself before I realised there really is nothing wrong with me - it was him. He lied, he cheated, he abused drugs and became this shell of a person I knew. I don't cry over him, I actually don't miss him at all. This is more of a reflection of the year 2010. All of these things happened to me before March 1st, 2010. Five days away from my 22ND birthday. Everyone told me this would be a great learning experience. I didn't want a learning experience. I wanted my life back because no matter how terrible it was, I was comfortable with it and here I was thrown out of my comfort zone.
Finally, in May things turned around. I found my dream job, all my hard work in school was beginning to pay off. I work with a great team of people who encourage me to learn and grow as a dental assistant. I earn more than minimum wage which I really like.
I was able to go to Halifax and visit relatives. I saw the ocean again for the first time in 6 years! I experienced Nova Scotia in the summer, something I have never done before. Turns out, you can drink on boats and it's called a booze cruise and it is really cool. You don't have to be drunk to feel drunk on a booze cruise
I healed my relationship with my best friend, over lots and lots of gin/vodka - whatever suited our mood that particular night. I went to the Toronto Zoo for the first time since I was a little kid. There were some awesome polar bears this year. And hippos.
I've been able to spend time with my Grandma again which I love.
I can shop without feeling guilty, I can buy designer things and actually enjoy them.
I became an auntie to a gorgeous little boy who I love more than anything and I can spoil him rotten.
I am comfortable with myself, I am so happy to be on my own, to learn who I really am, without being a part of a couple. Couples kinda suck, because you have to compromise and I don't want to do that anymore. Not right now anyways. It's time to be selfish for awhile. It's time to learn who I am, instead of what I am or was, which was some one's girlfriend.
I've had all these amazing adventures this year, and all I have focused on is this bullshit that started the year off.
Things started off so poorly that I have been terrified of a new year, which is a silly fear to have, but I'm just waiting for another sucker punch. Something to knock me down. I am not an optimistic person, in fact today was one of those days where I felt like kicking puppies or something except I really like puppies so I would have to find something else to kick.
But a good friend, reminded me that I can't live in fear. In fact she said my fear was stupid because the only person who can fix what I don't like in my life is me. She said I don't have to grow up yet, but the new year is coming wether I want it to or not. There's nothing I can do to stop that, not even hiding under a big pile of coats. The important thing in this entire rant is that I survived. I survived all of it. 2010 is finally over and I can look forward to a fresh start so here is to 2011. It better rock or I will find that big pile ol' coats and never come out.

Random Me and Stuff

I survived 2010